When the Miracle Doesn't Happen
On Thursday night, March 12th, a group of about 20 or so people pressed into the Prayer Room. It was a last-minute prayer vigil over a young Mother’s life-or-death battle. As she slipped into a coma and silently fought for her life, her God-family read Bible words, cried, pleaded, huddled together, and begged for God to save her life -- for the sake of her husband; for the sake of her 4 little children. The quiet murmurs and cries made the room feel sacred. It was the feeling of true Community; Christ’s Body speaking with one desperate voice on behalf of a dying woman.
After we all read scripture, and prayed specifically for failing kidneys to supernaturally re-start, one woman honestly spoke her feelings, “This isn’t fair. I’m so mad at God right now…” Another woman shared her feelings and claimed to be an optimist – a cheerleader who was resigned to the fact that her friend may die, but unable to give up begging for a last-chance miracle so that God could amaze the onlookers of this tragedy. Several MOPS moms and friends formed a small circle and leaned in to pray through the shock of it all. Later, one of my friends said, “God is good, but I sure don’t understand.” And a common thread running through the whole night was about the tension of asking for one thing from God, when He may allow something entirely different. We all knew it. She will be healed. Or, she will die.
There is a tenuous balance in praying for healing. We all know healing doesn’t always happen. In fact, rationally speaking, we’d all agree, death happens more often than life-saving miracles. So it can feel really vulnerable, or even foolish, to boldly speak out loud and plead with God to do a miracle. Because he might not ... and often doesn’t.
In situations like these, we all want a wild and unexplainable healing. We want the circumstance to become a story about God’s powerful ability and loving heart. We all want the miracle. After all, it would fix the situation. But also, it would be proof of what we believe. It would bolster our faith, give us reason to celebrate and joyfully point people to God’s glory. When circumstances play out well, it’s easy to prove that God is loving, good, and powerful. It’s easy to decide prayer works, and is worth the effort. But what about the flipside?
When the healing doesn’t happen, what does it prove? When young mothers die ‘too soon’, or children become terminally ill, or ‘senseless’ tragedy happens it is difficult not to make a damning verdict about God’s character. When a disease is not cured, it’s hard to find any value in the pleading prayer. After a night of crying out and pleading with God, it’s rough to have a morning dawn with the news that our hoped-for miracle never happened. It makes sense to point an angry finger at God, or cross our arms with a vow against ever praying like that again. It’s a temptation to put God on trial and judge his character based solely on whether the outcome was what we wanted. But, before we allow ourselves to give up praying boldly for miracles, before we put God on trial, it may be helpful and ask a couple questions … and answer.
• Is God only good when he gives us what we want?
• Is prayer only valuable when it gets a desired outcome?
An answer ‘yes’ to either, or both, of these questions indicates something about what we believe about ourselves. You probably see this already. A ‘yes’ answer to either question says many things, but they all say the same thing. A ‘yes’ answer says:
“God is only good when he gives me what I ask for.
Prayer is only valuable when it makes things happen the way I want.
I know what’s best, and what to ask for.
I know what should happen.”
This all says the same thing:
“I am wiser than God.”
None of us would flat-out speak those words. But, this attutude came built-in at birth. It's our DNA before a Christ Following belief. And it's easy to slide into -- especially after deep disappointments, when we start to make small agreements with Satan about whether God is really good, really to be trusted, after all. And, the lie resides silently in the heart. "I am wiser than God. He is not to be trusted." To pull it out of the silence, and speak it out loud that way, is to expose the vulnerable heart of it. This response isn't what we truly desire. It's the reason behind Adam’s deadly bite of the apple. It is the root of original sin. It is something we all struggle against. And, it is something from which we must be rescued, delivered.
To be clear, there is nothing wrong with feeling deep sadness, disappointment, grief and pain about death, injustice, or disease. These things are the direct fall-out from being born into a sin-cursed world. These are also the things that grieve the heart of God. It is fine to wrestle with God, like Jacob. It is appropriate to get angry, and go about the business of grieving. This is necessary… it is where we will walk together.
However, it’s important to pay attention to where the grief leads. After a night of vulnerably crying out to God --be it in a Prayer Vigil, in the living room, or in your car -- hurt like this can cause us to make silent agreements. “I will not trust God in times like these … I will not talk to Him that way anymore.” In the upcoming weeks, of funerals and frozen meals, we could easily decide never to go head-to-head with God that way again. That would make logical sense, really. Especially since, at face value, it looks like trust and prayer just plain didn't 'work.' But, I find an answer to this angst in a question God asked. When Job struggled against the extreme suffering allowed in his life, God asked this question:
Then the LORD said to Job,
“Do you still want to argue with the Almighty?
You are God’s critic, but do you have the answers?” -- Job 39:40
Really, when He puts it that way, it’s pretty clear we’re not the ones with the answers. We are not the smart ones in this equation. We don’t have the answers. But we are entrusted to a God who does.
One friend of mine has more credibility than me on the subject of suffering and loss. She and her husband have spent the last year experiencing personal losses like I have never, ever known. And in this place of grief and healing, God has done a work in her that resembles a diamond emerged from coal. Its essence is in these quotes & verses:
"Resting in the Lord does not depend on external circumstances at all,
but on your relationship to God Himself."
Oswald Chambers
"We were under great pressure,
far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.
Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death.
But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God,
who raises the dead.
He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us.
On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us."
2Cor. 1:8-10
(emphasis mine)
Times like these, it’s important to recalibrate the direction of our hope -- beyond circumstance, toward the one who has the answers( even if he chooses not to let us in on them right now). Our hope is in a God who has to power to raise the dead; in Jesus, and in the lives of His Followers. That may mean a literal, physical, true-life miracle of a young mother saved from death in ICU. Or, it may end up being about the spiritually dead feeling of grief and anger over a traumatic loss in our lives. In either case, we belong to a God that can bring resurrection and transforming hope to the places where we need deliverance.
This past summer, Steven Curtis Chapman and his family experienced the sudden and traumatic loss of their small daughter Maria. In response, Chapman added a verse to the lyrics of his song, "Yours." He says this:
I've walked the valley of death's shadow
So deep and dark that I could barely breathe
I've had to let go of more than I could bear
And questioned everything that I believe
But still even here
in this great darkness
A comfort and hope come breaking through
As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you.
After a long stay in the waiting room, or a night of pleading together for a miracle, life-shattering times like these are impossible to explain. We are all left without the answers. I have no soothing wisdom to offer as we weep for 4 motherless children and a young widow. But today, whether your are dealing with the death in this specific family, or for your own intimate life-issue-in-need-of-a-miracle, I do want to encourage you to wrestle and grieve, but not give up hope. Do not make a silent agreement to ‘never pray like that again.’ Do not give up meeting together, encouraging one another, or praying boldly for miracles. The next time an urgent need arises, as a Community, we will not shrink back from boldly asking for God to do a wildly supernatural work. Because God has proven His power, because we believe in a Risen Christ who raises the dead and breathes new life into us, we will continue to cry out for deliverance and miracles. And we will walk together in faith, holding each other up, even when the circumstances play-out in devastating ways. Regardless of the outcome, “In life or death, God we belong to you.”
~KjL
_______________________________________________________
Shelley Brauer died at 11:15 pm on Thursday, March 12th from complications due to a short and unexpected battle with influenza b and septic shock. She leaves behind her husband Scott, and four children Jaston, Zane, Bradon, and Keira.
If you are interested I serving this family, or attending Memorial Services, continue to watch this website for updates in this “Discussion Forum,” or the “Emergency Button”, & “Prayer@Communty’ groups.
After we all read scripture, and prayed specifically for failing kidneys to supernaturally re-start, one woman honestly spoke her feelings, “This isn’t fair. I’m so mad at God right now…” Another woman shared her feelings and claimed to be an optimist – a cheerleader who was resigned to the fact that her friend may die, but unable to give up begging for a last-chance miracle so that God could amaze the onlookers of this tragedy. Several MOPS moms and friends formed a small circle and leaned in to pray through the shock of it all. Later, one of my friends said, “God is good, but I sure don’t understand.” And a common thread running through the whole night was about the tension of asking for one thing from God, when He may allow something entirely different. We all knew it. She will be healed. Or, she will die.
There is a tenuous balance in praying for healing. We all know healing doesn’t always happen. In fact, rationally speaking, we’d all agree, death happens more often than life-saving miracles. So it can feel really vulnerable, or even foolish, to boldly speak out loud and plead with God to do a miracle. Because he might not ... and often doesn’t.
In situations like these, we all want a wild and unexplainable healing. We want the circumstance to become a story about God’s powerful ability and loving heart. We all want the miracle. After all, it would fix the situation. But also, it would be proof of what we believe. It would bolster our faith, give us reason to celebrate and joyfully point people to God’s glory. When circumstances play out well, it’s easy to prove that God is loving, good, and powerful. It’s easy to decide prayer works, and is worth the effort. But what about the flipside?
When the healing doesn’t happen, what does it prove? When young mothers die ‘too soon’, or children become terminally ill, or ‘senseless’ tragedy happens it is difficult not to make a damning verdict about God’s character. When a disease is not cured, it’s hard to find any value in the pleading prayer. After a night of crying out and pleading with God, it’s rough to have a morning dawn with the news that our hoped-for miracle never happened. It makes sense to point an angry finger at God, or cross our arms with a vow against ever praying like that again. It’s a temptation to put God on trial and judge his character based solely on whether the outcome was what we wanted. But, before we allow ourselves to give up praying boldly for miracles, before we put God on trial, it may be helpful and ask a couple questions … and answer.
• Is God only good when he gives us what we want?
• Is prayer only valuable when it gets a desired outcome?
An answer ‘yes’ to either, or both, of these questions indicates something about what we believe about ourselves. You probably see this already. A ‘yes’ answer to either question says many things, but they all say the same thing. A ‘yes’ answer says:
“God is only good when he gives me what I ask for.
Prayer is only valuable when it makes things happen the way I want.
I know what’s best, and what to ask for.
I know what should happen.”
This all says the same thing:
“I am wiser than God.”
None of us would flat-out speak those words. But, this attutude came built-in at birth. It's our DNA before a Christ Following belief. And it's easy to slide into -- especially after deep disappointments, when we start to make small agreements with Satan about whether God is really good, really to be trusted, after all. And, the lie resides silently in the heart. "I am wiser than God. He is not to be trusted." To pull it out of the silence, and speak it out loud that way, is to expose the vulnerable heart of it. This response isn't what we truly desire. It's the reason behind Adam’s deadly bite of the apple. It is the root of original sin. It is something we all struggle against. And, it is something from which we must be rescued, delivered.
To be clear, there is nothing wrong with feeling deep sadness, disappointment, grief and pain about death, injustice, or disease. These things are the direct fall-out from being born into a sin-cursed world. These are also the things that grieve the heart of God. It is fine to wrestle with God, like Jacob. It is appropriate to get angry, and go about the business of grieving. This is necessary… it is where we will walk together.
However, it’s important to pay attention to where the grief leads. After a night of vulnerably crying out to God --be it in a Prayer Vigil, in the living room, or in your car -- hurt like this can cause us to make silent agreements. “I will not trust God in times like these … I will not talk to Him that way anymore.” In the upcoming weeks, of funerals and frozen meals, we could easily decide never to go head-to-head with God that way again. That would make logical sense, really. Especially since, at face value, it looks like trust and prayer just plain didn't 'work.' But, I find an answer to this angst in a question God asked. When Job struggled against the extreme suffering allowed in his life, God asked this question:
Then the LORD said to Job,
“Do you still want to argue with the Almighty?
You are God’s critic, but do you have the answers?” -- Job 39:40
Really, when He puts it that way, it’s pretty clear we’re not the ones with the answers. We are not the smart ones in this equation. We don’t have the answers. But we are entrusted to a God who does.
One friend of mine has more credibility than me on the subject of suffering and loss. She and her husband have spent the last year experiencing personal losses like I have never, ever known. And in this place of grief and healing, God has done a work in her that resembles a diamond emerged from coal. Its essence is in these quotes & verses:
"Resting in the Lord does not depend on external circumstances at all,
but on your relationship to God Himself."
Oswald Chambers
"We were under great pressure,
far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life.
Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death.
But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God,
who raises the dead.
He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us.
On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us."
2Cor. 1:8-10
(emphasis mine)
Times like these, it’s important to recalibrate the direction of our hope -- beyond circumstance, toward the one who has the answers( even if he chooses not to let us in on them right now). Our hope is in a God who has to power to raise the dead; in Jesus, and in the lives of His Followers. That may mean a literal, physical, true-life miracle of a young mother saved from death in ICU. Or, it may end up being about the spiritually dead feeling of grief and anger over a traumatic loss in our lives. In either case, we belong to a God that can bring resurrection and transforming hope to the places where we need deliverance.
This past summer, Steven Curtis Chapman and his family experienced the sudden and traumatic loss of their small daughter Maria. In response, Chapman added a verse to the lyrics of his song, "Yours." He says this:
I've walked the valley of death's shadow
So deep and dark that I could barely breathe
I've had to let go of more than I could bear
And questioned everything that I believe
But still even here
in this great darkness
A comfort and hope come breaking through
As I can say in life or death
God we belong to you.
After a long stay in the waiting room, or a night of pleading together for a miracle, life-shattering times like these are impossible to explain. We are all left without the answers. I have no soothing wisdom to offer as we weep for 4 motherless children and a young widow. But today, whether your are dealing with the death in this specific family, or for your own intimate life-issue-in-need-of-a-miracle, I do want to encourage you to wrestle and grieve, but not give up hope. Do not make a silent agreement to ‘never pray like that again.’ Do not give up meeting together, encouraging one another, or praying boldly for miracles. The next time an urgent need arises, as a Community, we will not shrink back from boldly asking for God to do a wildly supernatural work. Because God has proven His power, because we believe in a Risen Christ who raises the dead and breathes new life into us, we will continue to cry out for deliverance and miracles. And we will walk together in faith, holding each other up, even when the circumstances play-out in devastating ways. Regardless of the outcome, “In life or death, God we belong to you.”
~KjL
_______________________________________________________
Shelley Brauer died at 11:15 pm on Thursday, March 12th from complications due to a short and unexpected battle with influenza b and septic shock. She leaves behind her husband Scott, and four children Jaston, Zane, Bradon, and Keira.
If you are interested I serving this family, or attending Memorial Services, continue to watch this website for updates in this “Discussion Forum,” or the “Emergency Button”, & “Prayer@Communty’ groups.
Views: 2
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Beth Leavy on -
Kelley, thank you so much for writing this. Despite what you think, it was actually very "soothing wisdom" for me.
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Permalink Reply by Ryan Christian on -
Yes and Amen.
May we live as one body in community,
weeping and grieving,
remembering and hoping.
May we hold each other up in love and
hand these truths back and forth to each other...
May we fix our eyes on Jesus
as we journey towards our true home together.
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Permalink Reply by Sharon Roshek on -
It is hard to "Praise God from Whom all Blessings Flow"---it doesn't FEEL right. It is times like this that I want to be "wiser than God", for I would have arranged a different outcome. But God is perfect and I am not. I am not qualified or able to weave this great sadness into thel lives of many and change them---but God can. I cannot understand what amazing things God might have for my brother, Scott and these four little precious children, but God knows.
"Almighty God, thank you for the hope we have in You when things don't turn out the way we desparately want. I pray that you will begin the process of weaving this sad event into the lives of so many that loved Shelley causing the kind of change you desire. Wrap your loving arms around Scott and the kids and comfort them. Illuminate our lives throught Your Grace to reflect the love and joy that Shelley gave to so many of us."
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Permalink Reply by Kristy Simons on -
Some people may think, "How can this be part of a loving God's sovereign plan?" We think we've got a better plan, the prayers that invision a beautiful scenario of healing restoration and God's ultimate glory make a lot more sense. And yet, God gives us a vision to hold on to. Shelley walking out of the ICU, through the veil of this world and taking Jesus hand...and the incredible sense of peace and love that must have filled her heart as her palm slid into his...the sense of rightness we have only gotten a taste of on this side multiplied exponentially! She was never tempted to look back over her shoulder with worry or doubt. She knows with more certainty than we can ever imagine that her Father is trustworthy to care for her family. This world breaks hearts. We grieve for the pain that death causes but our God is faithful in every way we long for him to be for the Brauer family. We have to trust him in this.
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Permalink Reply by Carol Pollitt on -
Such inspired truth you shared, Kelley. God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble...
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Permalink Reply by Adina Henderson on -
We HAVE to remind each other of the TRUTH. There are times when I question all that is written above. Surely that can't be true. It doesn't FEEL true, therefore it must not be. God doesn't FEEL trustworthy, therefore He must not be.
LIES!
But our feelings shout sometimes. Louder than the whispered truths from God Himself. Don't stop speaking truth, even if it feels like a spouted platitude. It's truth. And we have to hear it, in order to drown out the lies that our feelings are shouting at us.
And may God, the Creator and Lover of all the universe, give comfort beyond what I understand. May He hold my hand while I FEEL.
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Permalink Reply by Laura Parker on -
my goodness, such honest truth spoken here. i love the permission you give to wrestle and question and grieve. love the two questions you ask about prayer and the root of those being our innate idea that we are wiser than God--such a subtle lie we all play into. thanks for taking the time to write this.
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Permalink Reply by Bill Erickson on -
I can't help but think that sometimes one miracle not happening sets the stage for several miracles to follow. As Scott and the kids move forward, they will need more strength then any of them possess; strength that can only come from Him, pored out generously, daily.
A friend was once wrestling with a weighty decision. He sought concil from a couple elders of the church we attended. The wise coucil was that God seldom asks us to take the easy path. It is throught the challenges and difficulties where we find the greatest spiritual growth. Sometimes the choice is ours to make, but sometimes, such as here, the choice is purely His. How many miracles will be displayed as God pours out his sustaining grace and strength on Scott and the kids? How many times will their faith be multiplied and displayed that others who do not know Christ will ask "How?".
As I reflect, I cannot recall a single story in the Bible where God led his followers down the easy road. But what about Matthew 11:30 - "For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."? This speaks to the choice to follow Him. He is trustworthy, good and wise. He will not lead us astray. Since the fall, death is a part of this life on earth, as are thorns and thistles that fight against us. Through following Him, though, we have a guaranteed promise that He will lead us to true life; that Christ has gone before us and prepared us a room.
Our culture cherishes life, individual life, above all else. Our secular culture increasingly places individual life as the ultimate in reality, and peace as the total absense of difficulty. Yet, we as Christians know our ultimate life is in Him, with Him, and our peace is trusting in his sovreignty. The best is yet to come. Shelley is home. May the whole extended family know the peace that comes from knowing these facts; the peace that only comes from knowing Christ.
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Permalink Reply by Alyssa Stanbery on -
This reminds me of a song by Natalie Grant... part of the song says "Too much is too little. They let him go, they had no sudden healing... To think that providence would take a child from his mother while she prays.. is appaling... We're asking why this happens to us who have died to live.. it's unfair. This is what it means to be held, how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life, and you survive.." I love that song...
Death is always hard.. I heard about Shelly while at the Lodge, helping with the SPFM dinner, so I couldn't go to the prayer meeting. When I heard about her death, I immediately felt pity, but not much more... I didn't know her in life, wasn't even sure what she looked like. It was hard to mourn for someone you don't know.
But then Friday night, at the high school Famine concert, one of my good friends who knows the family very well started sobbing in my arms, asking me why God had taken her. I was suddenly just slapped in the face with it all, and started crying with her. All through the concert we knelt on the floor praying for each other and the family through our tears.. prayer is such a powerful thing. This really spoke to my heart.. Thank you for speaking such powerful wisdom. God really is working in you and through you. It's a good reminder that whatever the need, we always can come to the Cross and be healed.
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Permalink Reply by Community on -
Responses...
It has been beautiful to read and hear so many gut-real responses to this discussion. Even in middle of all the honest embracing of pain, questions, and grief, I am moved by all of your varied, but constant, themes of God's sovreignity -- His Providence, Trusworthiness, Goodness, Strength. It is inspiring and encouraging to watch, as we pass around the truth of what we feel ... but also of what we know and believe in times like these ... together.
Beautiful Truths... keep going...
kjl
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Permalink Reply by Lyle VonSpreckelsen on -
Kelly,
We don't know each other at all. Kirk was a high school buddy, College room mate, Best man in my wedding, Just bounced over here from his facebook. Your article caught my eye. My sympathies to those suffering the loss of their wife and mother. You handled a difficult topic with biblical truth. I have been there as well. When my son (16) was dx with a brain tumor I cried out and asked the same questions. Sometimes with doubt and fear. To add to the dialog early in that experience a dear friend reminded me. That God answered another prayer with a No as well. A man prayed "let this cup pass from me," not my will but yours be done" Today it might have sounded like "Lord if there is any other way please don't make me go through this." but God... His father... said no, this is how it has to be....Why did he do that???? We know why.... because he loved Us that much.. How awesome is that. I would not have allowed my son to suffer or die for any of you. But.... God did that for us. He also knows first hand how a father feels when a child. His child suffers and even dies. He promised He will never leave or forsake us....We have found that to be true. Even when the answer is not the answer we want. Oh and yes We recieved our miracle, my son has survived 7 years now. To God be the glory. thanks again for your wisdom and insight. You have blessed me.
Lyle (from good ole CC nebraska)
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Permalink Reply by Terri Lehmpuhl on
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Kelley, Scott told us about your article - thank you so much for taking the time to write it. It's so helpful to me as I've been wrestling with God, especially in regards to the purpose of prayer. I prayed fervently at home with my boys on Thursday morning before heading to the hospital and all the rest of the day in the ICU waiting room ....specifically for a miraculous healing of Shelley, though I hesitantly prayed, "yet not my will but yours be done". I really appreciate what you wrote here - you've acknowledged the reality of our carnal & sinful struggles while still addressing our need to continue depending on the Lord for our strength and to continue praying for His intercession in our lives. I have not vowed to "never pray like that again", but I do find myself hesitant to pray sometimes. This has never been a struggle for me ..... until now. So, thank you for encouraging my heart to get back on track with the Lord.
From Terri Lehmpuhl, Shelley's youngest sister
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