Trust...

I am not a blogger, a mass e-mail forwarder or mass e-mail writer.  Those of you who know me know that I’m a face-to-face or phone girl.  That’s just how it is.  However, I had an experience on Friday that I keep sensing may not be only for me.  What God reminded me of on Friday may be helpful for someone else too, so I’ll share it and hopefully God will use this reminder of truth in someone else’s life too.

I went to the infectious disease dr.’s office on Friday to have lab work done for what felt like the 100^th time in the past 7 months.  I have an appt. with him in 2 weeks and they wanted the blood work done before the appt. this time so we could talk about the results while I’m there.  Before the appointment I was freaking out a little – the “what ifs” of the results of this blood test had the power to un-do me at times.  What if it comes back positive and I still have the active parvovirus and the parvo DNA in my blood?  Or, what if it isn’t there anymore?  Then what?  How long will the pain continue and how will I ever be able to stop taking the heavy pain meds?  Both options seemed scary to me. 

So, I was called to head back to the lab by Justin, the guy who always takes my blood.  Justin reminds me so much of Christian Outlaw, there are such similarities both physically and in their wonderful mannerisms.  That’s just a fun thing for me.  So Justin gets the stuff ready to take my blood.  Other times during the past months, I’ve sat there and prayed “Lord, purify my blood with Your cleansing blood,” or something having to do with taking this crazy virus away.  This time, as Justin put the very large needle into my arm to do the blood draw, what came to my mind is this: “I trust You, I trust You, I trust You.”  It was in that moment that I realized once again that trust and faith are not dependent on outcome.  That was hugely important for me that day and continues to be.

If my trust in God is dependent on outcome then where does that leave me if this parvovirus is still in my system?  Where does that leave my friend who is desperately praying for the miracle of healing for her 17 year old son who is dying of brain cancer?  If God chooses not to heal him the way they are praying, then what?  Then is God no longer trust worthy because He didn’t respond the way we want him to? 

It seems like a lot of the time we trust God with most things, but maybe not with the things or people who are closest to our hearts.  Maybe it’s the person or people we love more than God that we don’t trust Him with?  I don’t know, I just know that God reminded me that trust is not dependant on outcome, or circumstances or whether or not He answers my prayers the way I want Him to.  He is trustworthy all the time.  I needed that reminder.  Maybe you did too.