To all of my reader friends…I should caution you that I have a lot of “time on my hands” here in the waiting room at the hospital as we wait for the outcome of Ryan’s surgery. So feel free to reserve this letter until you also have time to “think with me” as I reflect on what’s going on J
I look around at my family members and it almost seems like a tapestry of lives that have been woven together. But I must admit that the weave looks like a jumbled mess with no rhyme or reason. I observe my in-laws as they pace and fidget back and forth. I hardly knew them a year ago, and now both sides of the family have been thrown together the last few weeks in an attempt to collectively make major decisions that seem impossible to make. I look at Leslie, my wife of 31 years, and see her tired eyes and realize that she too has not slept well for quite some time as she struggles to answer the question “why”? Michelle appears to be keeping busy reading, or on the computer. But she can’t fool me. I’ve been her dad for 27 years. I know she’s hurting inside trying to figure out why this wonderful 31 year old man that she said “I do” to just 10 months ago, now has a brain tumor. I think of other friends back home that also seem to have been “woven” into my life lately. A few weeks ago, one close friend asked me, “why do bad things happen to good people, and how has this situation impacted your faith?” I made a lousy attempt to answer his first question (which I know didn’t fully explain it to him, or me). But when I responded to the second question, I was able to say without any reservation that “my faith has never been stronger, and that I can’t imagine going through this tragedy without a relationship with God.”
As I continued to look around the waiting room of the hospital, I seem to have a deja’ ‘vu that took me back to a time in my life over 30 years ago. Our family had gone to Florida and spent the day at Disney World. Then early the next morning I was awoken in the motel room to the panicked voice of my mother as she alerted me to my father who was in great pain. We spent the next few days in the waiting room of the hospital while the doctors worked with my dad who was having a serious heart attack. I found myself with “time on my hands” doing a lot of thinking and praying. That’s when I realized that God did not want me to come to Him just when things were bad and I needed His help. He wanted to have a relationship with me each day, every day. My dad soon healed, and lived a healthy life for another 10 years or so. But equally important, my life from that time forward began to grow fuller and have a deeper meaning.
Now as I sit here in the waiting room of the Mayo Clinic and once again look at this intricate weaving of the lives before me, it almost seems like the tapestry is being folded over. I peak behind it and see an artist with His needle and thread continuing to blend the colors into precise locations. How beautiful it is with radiant colors and incredible patterns that I had never seen before! There is design and order, yet such creativity that there seems to be no boundaries. Just as I start to understand a little of what the design was suppose to look like, the artist slowly starts folding the material back over, leaving me once again to look at the “jumbled” opposite side. “Wait a minute”! “I want to look at it some more. It’s beautiful, and I’m just starting to understand what it is suppose to look like” I exclaimed! “I’m glad you like it”, replied the artist modestly. “But I’m afraid I can’t show you too much at one time. It’s too much for you to comprehend.” “But I need to see how things work out”, I respond. “Did we make the right decisions with the kids? Why did this have to happen to someone at such a young age? And how about that friend of mine back home? Will he ever understand the difference between a religion and a relationship? Will Ryan…” “Slow down” the artist interrupted. “Take a deep breath and rest for a minute. After all’, the artist continued, ‘this tapestry has taken me an eternity to put together.” “But I’ll make you a couple of promises,” He said. “What’s that?” I asked. Very gently the artist continued, “the more you want to spend time with me like you are doing today, the more I’ll give you a sneak peak from the other side of the tapestry.” “That’s a deal” I quickly responded. “What’s the other promise?” “Well’, He said slowly, ‘someday I’ll let you see the tapestry forever. You’ll understand how everything comes together perfectly.” “I can’t wait,” I shouted with joy!
“By the way,” I heard the artist say from the other side of the tapestry. “Can you see anything special interwoven in Ryan’s thread?” I looked closer and saw something embroidered into Ryan’s thread. “Yes,” I noted, it says “John 11.4”. “Do you know what that means?” He said.
“Yes, I recognize that as a verse in the Bible that I had read over 30 years ago” I said. “It says, ‘this sickness is not unto death, but to the glory of God”. “That’s right’, He whispered, my Word is sufficient for you…today”.
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Permalink Reply by Dave Brown on Wow Dave! That was beautiful. We await news on Ryan's surgery understanding that God is with you all and is involved in your moments there. God loves your faith! Many of us can step closer to God in times like these or run farther away. Praise God you are running to Him and finding Him to be big enough!
Thanks so much for sharing this, I pray we learn to share more often like this!
Permalink Reply by Daline Smith on Surgery ended at 2:30 this afternoon. The doctor met with us to let us know that things went well! He said the tumor was the size of a woman’s fist! They won’t know for a couple of days if the severity is level 2 or 3 which will determine if he will need radiation and/or chemo to follow in another month or so. Tonight Ryan will be in ICU to watch for the main two concerns, bleeding or seizure (neither of which he anticipates).
Ryan was suppose to remain asleep for at least an hour or two, so we went across the street to grab a bite to eat. When we returned, we were going to go into the waiting room but decided to wait by the elevator “just in case”. Right then the elevator doors opened and they were rolling Ryan out on the gernie. He was AWAKE! They stopped him long enough for us to ask “how are you doing Ryan”? He SAID “good”, then gave a thumbs up! As they rolled him into ICU Michelle exclaimed “he gave a thumbs up with his right hand”! “Why is that significant,” we asked? “Because his surgery was done on the left lobe of his brain which affects the right side motor skills”, Michelle said. Within a minute of contact we had confirmed that he was awake, speaking, and using proper motor skills! The main prayers we’ve been praying!
Thanks to all of you guys for your prayers and support. You have been a blessing to us.
Todd Zeller said:Wow Dave! That was beautiful. We await news on Ryan's surgery understanding that God is with you all and is involved in your moments there. God loves your faith! Many of us can step closer to God in times like these or run farther away. Praise God you are running to Him and finding Him to be big enough!
Thanks so much for sharing this, I pray we learn to share more often like this!
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